My Daily Struggle

Please let me introduce myself. I am a 57 year old woman suffering from severe anxiety and depression. To make matters worse, I was born with dislocated hips and was forced to endure at least two surgeries and a two year stay in the hospital when I was approximately two years old. While the surgeries were successful to the point where I can do almost everything a 57 year old woman should be doing, I was left with a pin in one leg, scars on both hips, and osteoarthritis. Needless to say, I was the focal point of a lot of bullying as a child and an adult because of the way I walk. Other emotional and physical traumas I endured as a youth included nearly drowning when I was five, being sexually molested at nine years old, and having a mother I respected but could not talk to. However, I was tough and I persevered. After all, I did have some good points that I knew I could use to my advantage whenever I wished. These included a pretty face, long blonde hair, blue eyes, a tiny waistline, wide hips, and nice boobs. Then, in 1974, I met the man of my dreams. Life was finally good, it was real, and we loved each other for over thirty-eight years. Then, in what seems like a blur in time, we were told he had two years to live, then that became two weeks, and then two days. He passed away on February 11, 2013, and the best and biggest part of my life was wrenched from me as I was suddenly thrust into a life of isolation, pain, hatred, and profound loneliness. This story is about how I struggle each day to maintain some sort of balance in my life as I try to start over by meeting new people, doing new things, and starting new relationships.